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An Initiative Championed by the
Contra Costa County Superintendent of Schools

 

Top 10 Principles
Chosen by the 2012-13
Contra Costa County Teachers of the Year

 

Pay Attention (August/September)

Acknowledge Others (October)

Listen (November)

Speak Kindly (December)

Accept and Give Praise (January)

Respect Others’ Opinions (February)

Be Inclusive (March)

Respect Other People’s Time (April)

Don’t Shift Responsibility and Blame (May)

Apologize Earnestly (June)

 

Monthly Focus

Choosing Civility, by Dr. P.M. Forni, lists twenty-five rules of considerate conduct. Over this school year, we will consider these “principles.”

“Don't Shift Responsibility and Blame”
Choose Civility Principle for May

“You are accountable for your actions and your responses to other people's action. When you fully appreciate that, you will stop blaming others.”

We are all too familiar with the pattern of a person doing something wrong and then denying it or blaming it on someone or something else – quite often the wronged party. Some even feel that taking responsibility and apologizing is a sign of weakness.

We blame family, friends, co-workers, spouses, and strangers. We blame inanimate objects, God, nature, and government. Parents blame educators. Educators blame parents. As long as we can adequately shift responsibility we can avoid being accountable. However, shifting blame hinders relationships, focuses our lives on negativity, and stunts personal growth. Such as:

“Sarah's to blame for the kitchen being a mess. She was the one who suggested that we bake cookies.”

The more civil response might be:
“You’re right. We left the kitchen a mess. Sarah and I will get it cleaned up right away.”

Action step: Rather than a sign of weakness, appropriately taking responsibility indicates maturity and strength of character. Accepting responsibility for wrong words/actions, naming the offense, identifying that is was wrong and sincerely apologizing for it, and “fixing” the situation when needed as soon as possible with an attitude that demonstrates your regret about what you did, can go a long way to remedy a situation.

Excerpt from P.M. Forni's book, Choosing Civility
Adapted from Ben Dattner's book, The Blame Game

Printable PDF download: Monthly Focus for Maypdf icon

Why?

Civility is a core value of a well functioning community and one of its defining components. Quality of life depends in great part on how community members treat each other. This initiative will promote the importance of civility in a world becoming less civil, and encourage community members to choose positive and respectful behaviors in their personal and work lives.

What and How?

The initiative is inspired by the work of Dr. P.M. Forni, author of Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct. Through a broad-based, collaborative effort, the goal is to transform Dr. Forni's concepts into a concrete plan that can be easily integrated into the culture of government, businesses, organizations, schools, neighborhoods, and families throughout the community.

 

The Twenty-five Principles of Considerate Conduct

Choose Civility logo
  1. Pay Attention
  2. Acknowledge Others
  3. Think the Best
  4. Listen
  5. Be Inclusive
  6. Speak Kindly
  7. Don’t Speak Ill
  8. Accept and Give Praise
  9. Respect Even a Subtle “NO”
  10. Respect Others’ Opinions
  11. Mind Your Body
  12. Be Agreeable
  13. Keep It Down (and Rediscover Silence)
  14. Respect Other People’s Time
  15. Respect Other People’s Space
  16. Apologize Earnestly
  17. Assert Yourself
  18. Avoid Personal Questions
  19. Care for Your Guests
  20. Be a Considerate Guest
  21. Think Twice Before Asking for Favors
  22. Refrain from Idle Complaints
  23. Accept and Give Constructive Criticism
  24. Respect the Environment and Be Gentle to Animals
  25. Don’t Shift Responsibility and Blame

 

Civility Initiative Resolutions Passed (by City) Date
Oakley * 2/14/12
Lafayette * 3/12/12
Antioch 2/14/12
Walnut Creek 2/12/12
Martinez 2/12/12
San Pablo * 3/22/12
Concord * 4/3/12
El Cerrito 4/17/12
Pleasant Hill 5/7/12
Civility Initiative Resolutions Passed
(by School District)		 Date
CCCOE/Board of Education 1/2012
Liberty Union High School District 5/9/12
John Swett Unified School District 5/9/12
West Contra Costa Unified School District 5/9/12
Pittsburg Unified School District 5/9/12
Byron Union School District 5/10/12
San Ramon Valley Unified School District 5/10/12
Oakley Union Elementary School District 5/16/12
Walnut Creek School District 5/21/12
Antioch Unified School District 5/23/12
Brentwood Union School District 5/23/12
Mount Diablo Unified School District 6/4/12
Knightsen Elementary School District 6/13/12
Canyon Elementary School District 6/19/12
Lafayette School District 6/21/12
Moraga School District 8/21/12
Martinez Unified School District* 9/10/12
Orinda Union School District 9/10/12
Acalanes Union High School District 9/10/12
Miscellaneous Date
Contra Costa Council 2/12
32nd District PTA 2/12
Interview with Jim Caroompas; Martinez Patch.com 2/22/12
Contra Costa County Supervisors 5/22/12
Contra Costa Times, Tom Barnidge (columnist) "What a Quaint Notion—a Return to Civility" 7/5/12
FECCC BTSA Induction Program~Liberty Union HSD/Todd Airola Far East Contra Costa BTSA Induction Coordinator 8/25/12
Clayton Valley Charter High School* 9/12
Contra Costa Local Planning Council for Child Care and Development (LPC) 11/12
Pittsburg Chamber of Commerce 3/13

*Personal presentations made at city council meetings

 

Resources

 

The CCCOE gratefully acknowledges the Stanislaus County Office of Education for their work on this initiative.

 

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